


Garreg Mach Mental Hospital: Blue Lions Route

by Catcateightyeight



Series: Garreg Mach Mental Hospital: Fire Emblem Three Houses [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Hospitals, Mental Health Issues, No beta: we die like Glenn, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22612702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catcateightyeight/pseuds/Catcateightyeight
Summary: In the center of the city of Fodlan rests the Garrage Mach Medical Campus. On campus is a mental ward, where a variety of youths from across Fodlan have been admitted to help them overcome trauma and illness. This story contains snippets of their journey, brief moments that prove life exists even in the depths of insanity.
Series: Garreg Mach Mental Hospital: Fire Emblem Three Houses [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627006
Comments: 26
Kudos: 57





	1. Prolouge

In the City of Fodlan, there are three major districts. To the South, draping lengthwise across the city boundaries, is District Adrestia. In the Northern corner lies District Faergus. Nestled into the Eastern edge is District Leicester. There are many things that make each district unique from each other. From school systems to political leniences, sometimes these districts seem more like different countries than pieces of the same city. However, there was one thing that truly knit these districts together. That thing lay at the heart of the three districts, a location known as Garreg Mach Medical Campus.

The campus was home to the city’s largest hospital. It sat amid a fantastic gathering of nature, flowing with fresh air and shockingly removed from the din of the city. Garreg Mach Medial Campus boasted of owning the largest plot of land in the entire city, beating even the court house. There were multiple skyscrapers with floors dedicated to a wide range of medical professions. An Emergency Room and Intensive Care Unit took up the first several floors of the largest and most easily accessed building.

However, the most well known thing about Garreg Mach Medical Campus was the fact that it is dedicated to medical research and education. It is the number one teaching hospital in the country and the home of many cutting edge research projects. The hospital has been recognized on multiple occasions for its dedication not only to its patients, but its hand in improving medical care around the world.

This story takes place on the fifth floor of Building C, the young adult mental health ward of Garreg Mach Medical Campus. The floor is split into three, large wards. Only faculty and staff are allowed access between the three wards, with heavy, locked doors and security guards barring the path between each of them. Visitors are allowed access to the wards as well, but only with written consent from the patient and only during approved visiting hours. The wards are organized by which city district the patient comes from. It’s thought that being surrounded by people who share your culture can help ease the stress of being in a steril, unfamiliar place.

The wards are not wholly uninviting. Walls are painted in warm colors and there are no bars over the windows, though they do not open and are made of very strong glass. There is an open door policy. Bedrooms and meeting rooms are to have doors open at all times unless group is in session or a doctor is having a private discussion with a patient. A group recreation room is well stocked with books, snacks and coloring materials for public use. Each ward has a single phone that any patient has access to at any time, but they do have to share. There is also one computer with internet access. Each ward has two bathrooms with individual showers.

The Northern facing ward houses the youth of District Faergus. There are many young men and women staying here from across the district. Some are from distinguished families, others are common civilians. Everyone is here for a reason, and the medical professionals of Garreg Mach Medical Campus will do their utmost to help these young people heal from their traumas and grow stronger. Together, this ward is known as the Blue Lions Ward.


	2. Room Check

Sylvain got a new roommate yesterday. He was a small boy, with messy gray hair and shy, green eyes. He hadn’t said two words to Sylvain except to say that his name was Ashe. Shortly after arriving early in the morning, early enough that breakfast hadn’t even been served yet, Ashe toppled onto his bottom bunk and passed out. This wasn’t really a surprise to Sylvain, most people slept the first day they were here. Felix had on his first day, and so had the large, dark skinned man who didn’t speak. He remembered doing so himself on his first day. Between the emotionally taxing admittance process and the amount of time it takes for enough of the correct professionals to finish the absurd amount of paperwork to just get you a room, most people are exhausted the first day.

Sylvain’s admittance process had been particularly taxing on him. He had awoken his mother up in the middle of the night crying over the toilet in pain. She had immediately panicked and rushed him and, much to Sylvain’s chagrin, the rest of the family to the ER. It had come as multiple layers of shock when Sylvain was diagnosed with chlamydia.

If you had mentioned chlamydia to Sylvain before that day, he would have sworn up and down that only women could contract it. As it turns out, men can contract chlamydia too. But it was rare for them to experience many, if any, symptoms. Lucky Sylvain. On the other hand, it seemed that a quick round of antibiotics would clear the issue up nicely and Sylvain wouldn’t be in pain any longer. The bigger problem was what contracting chlamydia revealed about his sex life.

Both his parents were convinced that Sylvain was a proper and dutiful son and saving himself for marriage. Unbeknownst to them, Sylvain had been rebelling behind their back and bedding just about any willing person he could get in contact with. His brother knew, he had caught Sylvain once in the bathrooms in High School, and Miklan took great pleasure in threatening to reveal his secret to their parents. Once the doctor revealed that Sylvain had contracted an STI, Miklan could barely contain his mocking glee. He was barely holding in the laughter when the doctor began to ask questions about who, and how many people, he had slept with recently.

By then his parents had mirrored looks of horror on their faces. Sylvain’s dad had to actually leave the room, a blood vein popping up on his forehead. Desperately, Sylvain had wished that he could speak to the doctor alone. Admitting any part of his pleasure seeking habits to his parents felt shameful and dangerous. Looking back, Sylvain realizes that he could have asked for a private consultation with the doctor, such was the law. But he didn’t know that then, so he answered the doctors’ questions, listening to Miklan’s stifled laughter and pointedly not looking at his mother.

Sylvain did his best to answer the doctors' questions. He didn't know how many people he slept with recently, he wasn’t keeping track. It was one or two times a day, three if he could manage it. No, usually not with the same partner. He did his best to avoid repeat experiences. He might be able to contact a few of them and let them know they were at risk of getting chlamydia, but he didn’t keep most of their contact information. He hadn’t been feeling well for a day or so, but hadn’t been in that much pain until tonight. No, he didn’t use condoms.

Then the doctors’ questions took a turn. They began asking less about his sexual health and more about his sexual habits. How often did he masrubate? Did he frequent any pornographic sources? How often did he look at porn? Did he ever participate in risky sexual activities such as exposition? How often did sexual activities or thoughts prevent him from participating in day to day activities? Sylvain felt more and more embarrassed with every question he answered. However, the doctor didn’t reveal any hint of judgement. They just nodded their head and made notes on their clipboard.

Before Sylvain could figure out why the doctor was asking him so many personal questions, the doctor left. This left Sylvain to the wrath of his parents, who spent the next hour or so having a quiet, but heated, conversation just outside his door. They acted like their sons couldn’t hear them, but Miklan made sure Sylvain was privy to every word.

To Sylvain’s surprise, the next doctor to see him was a social worker, who informed his family that they needed to have a private conversation with Sylvain. Once they were alone, they asked Sylvain more questions like the ones he had already answered. Then she asked if he had ever heard of Hypersexualilty Disorder. Sylvain only stared dumbly at her and shook his head. They explained to Sylvain that they suspected he was addicted to sex. It worked much in the same way as people addicted to food or alcohol. Sylvain didn’t really understand what they were talking about, but then they surprised him again.

They offered to have him admitted to the mental ward and Garreg Mach Medical Campus. The social worker said they could help him break out of his addictive habits and learn skills in order to manage his life in a healthy way. Sylvain, who was still reeling from the idea that someone could even be addicted to sex, took a long time to consider the idea. In the end, the thought of being able to escape his home, be away from his brother and perpetually disappointed parents, even if it was for a few days in a mental ward, made the decision easy.

The social worker offered to talk to his family for him, and he quickly agreed. They had a conversation with his parents, this time out of Sylvain’s ear shot, and it was decided that Sylvain would be admitted to the Blue Lions Ward. From there Sylvain thought it would be an easy process, but he was surprised again that night. As it turned out, he had to have another interview with another social worker before he was given a room in the mental ward. Then they all had to walk to another building, go through security with a bunch of sleepy looking security guards, and settle Sylvain into his room.

His parents begrudgingly agreed to bring Sylvain some comforts from home, namely clothes (no laces or drawstrings), and they left. By then it was nearly six o’clock in the morning, and Sylvain had been in the hospital for over five hours. He had climbed under the covers on the top bunk and slept all the way until dinner was served, when a doctor woke him up to make sure he ate some food and took the next dose of his antibiotic. That was a week and a half ago.

The long and short of it was, Sylvain understood that Ashe felt like he needed a day to rest. He didn’t disturb the younger boy all day, in fact he avoided their room just to make sure Ashe was left alone. Sylvain didn’t interact with Ashe until room check the next morning. As was typical, Sylvain slept in until the nurse came in to lift the mattresses and pull back the bedsheets. He rolled out of bed, only covered in pajamas, and leaned against the wall rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“What’s happening?” Ashe whispered to him, having also gotten up and stood next to Sylvain.

“Just morning room check,” Sylvain yawned. “I guess that makes it 7:30,” he mused.

“Room check?” Ashe asked, sounding nervous.

“Yeah. They check the rooms every morning to make sure we don’t have any contraband hidden anywhere. It’s no big deal really. It’s mostly to make sure we aren’t hiding anything that we could use to hurt ourselves with.”

“I see…” Ashe muttered, looking pale.

The nurse fiddled around a second longer before turning to the two boys. “Ashe, what is this?” In the palm of her hand she held a small, hotel lotion bottle. One that Sylvain recognized immediately.

“Oh hey, that’s mine.” Sylvain admitted instantly. That was the lotion bottle he had snuck out of Anette’s care package and had planned to use as a lubricant, but had lost yesterday. He didn’t know what Ashe’s problems were, but he wasn’t about to let Ashe take the fall for something that wasn’t entirely his fault.

“So why was it tucked in the corner of your mattress Ashe?” the nurse asked. She used a calm, non-condescending tone, but her words still felt accusatory. It made Sylvain uncomfortable.

“Because I took it…” Ashe said as quietly as he could. Sylvain didn’t think the clearly malnourished boy could look any more pale, but he was wrong.

“Why did you take it?” She asked. This nurse was quickly becoming Sylvain’s least favorite member of the staff. Then again, this could be part of Ashe’s therapy process, and Sylvain would be remiss to interrupt.

“Because it was there…” Ashe was slowly sinking into his thin T-shirt.

“Would you like to give it back to Sylvain and apologize?” She asked, and Sylvain got the sense that this was not a suggestion.

Slowly, Ashe took the bottle from the nurse, and then turned to Sylvain. “I’m sorry I took this,” he whispered, not looking up from the floor.

“It’s not a big deal man, thanks for giving it back,” Sylvain said, with a bright smile and a wink. Then, because he thought this might be meaningful for Ashe to hear, he said, “I forgive you.”

Ashe glanced up at Sylvain, eyes watery, but it was progress.

“And Sylvain, for you that is considered contraband,” the nurse said. “I will have to take that off your hands.”

“Ah, you caught me,” Sylvain grinned, rubbing the back of his head. “Here you go.” He handed the bottle back to the nurse and began to wonder if any of that exchange was necessary.

The nurse nodded and left the room. Sylvain sighed and rolled his eyes at her. Next to him, Ashe sniffed quietly and tried to discreetly rub his nose.

“Look man, it’s really no big deal. No hard feelings,” Sylvain tried to reassure his roommate.

Ashe nodded and took a moment to steady his voice. “You said they do this every morning?”

“Every morning,” Sylvain said as brightly as he could, placing a hopefully comforting hand on Ashe’s shoulder. The therapist had tried to explain to Sylvain how a simple, kind touch could mean a lot to a person in distress. He hoped this would work with Ashe.

A shout echoed down the hallway. “I wasn’t going to use it!”

Sylvain chuckled. “And that would be Felix and his shive.”

Ashe finally looked up at Sylvain in confusion and surprise. “Felix… A shive…?”

“Like I said, every morning,” Sylvain smiled and winked, meaning with every little gesture for Ashe to not feel embarrassed, he wasn’t the only one turning up contraband in the morning. Running with the flow of positive energy, Sylvain slung an arm over Ashe’s shoulder and said, “Come on, let’s go get breakfast. I’m sure you're hungry.”


	3. Coloring

Annette had finally managed to convince Ashe to join her for a bit of coloring. She didn’t know the new boy very well yet, and was hoping to strengthen their bond. It would not do for him to have joined the family of patients in the Blue Lions Ward and not gain some level of rapport with her. They were walking down the hall on the way to the rec room when they came across Dimitri.

He was, as always, followed by the large man who never spoke. The two were walking down the hall straight towards them. Dimitri was quiet today, his remaining eye lazily scanning his surroundings. He looked at ease, almost bored, watching the world around him like someone watches the landscape out the car window on a particularly long drive.

Dimitri had been rather quiet lately, and Annette suspected that they were trying a new medication on him. The tall, blond man seemed to perpetually live in a world that existed on the border between several different realities. What he saw and what he heard never really seemed to align with what the rest of us saw and heard. The doctors have been trying for a long time to find some kind of medication that would make Dimitri more present, or at least present enough to start participating more actively in reality. However, they hadn’t yet found a medication that could bring Dimitri far enough out of his mind to be able to tell the doctors how the drugs were affecting him with any sense of clarity. He had been here for over a year, longer than anyone else except Dedue.

Because of Dimitri’s tenuous grip on reality, sometimes the way he interacted with the things around him was confusing, or unexpected. Therefore, Annette was not surprised when he walked head long into her, even though he was watching her approach. She bounced off his large torso, but was caught by his firm grasp before she could fall on the floor.

“My apologies Annette,” he said to her, ever polite when he is in this mood. “I had expected you to pass through me like all the others.”

“It’s no problem Dimitri,” Annette assured him, noticing the slight confusion in Ashe’s face. “This is Ashe, Dimitiri. Have you two met yet?”

Dimitri staired steadily at Ashe, looking at him as if he was seeing more of Ashe then there really was. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Ashe muttered.

Annette found Ashe’s timidness endearing. “We were just about to do some coloring together. Would you like to join us Dimitri?”

Dimitri considered for a moment. “Alright, that sounds pleasant.”

Annette did not invite Dedue. He would come regardless. Anywhere Dimitri went, Dedue followed. They had been like that as long as Annette could remember. Dedue never spoke, not a single word, and was always within arms reach of Dimitri. Him being so was one of the only truly consistent things in the Blue Lion Ward. No one really knew why, but there was a lot of speculation among the staff and patients alike. Apparently they had arrived at the hospital after becoming victims of the same tragic accident. It had been something like a fire, or a firefight, Annette couldn’t remember. Both of them had lost all of their living relatives, along with their sanity that day.

It wasn’t clear if Dedue and Dimitri had known each other before the accident. Dimitri never seemed to indicate as much. Then again, Dimitri hardly recognized the doctors who had been treating him for over a year. Dedue clung to Dimitri like a shadow, and never seemed afraid of the sometimes volatile man. The doctors had one time tried to seperate Dimitri and Dedue. Nothing dramatic, just moving Dedue out of Dimitri’s room and giving Dimitri a new roommate, Felix.

Their plan didn’t have the intended effect. Dedue would just stand outside Dimitri’s door looking sad and broken, like he didn’t have permission to even enter the room despite the open door policy. If this was something that would have eased with time, they would never find out.

An unforeseen complication arose when it was discovered that Felix and Dimitri had explosively clashing personalities. Felix threatened Dimitri with one of those knives he was always making or finding, and Dimitri responded violently. This enraged Felix and things spiraled out of control from there. The entire ward was a mess that day. It took Dedue, all of the security from the Blue Lion Ward and some of the security from the other two wards to contain the two long enough for the twin Doctor Eisner’s to sedate and separate the pair. After that, Dedue moved back in with Dimitri and Felix was given a room to himself.

Dedue often lent a hand in helping subdue Dimitri when Dimitri flew into his fits of rage; shouting about the dead and vengeance and screaming apologies to the heavens. Dimitri was a large, strong man and Dedue was the only man Annette had seen who was larger and possibly stronger. Despite this he was always gentle with Dimitri, holding him close as he thrashed and raged until either he wore himself out with the fight or was sedated.

Despite Dedue’s size and utter silence, he never seemed intimidating. Annette was not scared to invite Dedue to color with them. The reason she stayed her tongue was from the bitter, hot shame she felt last time her and Dedue had interacted. She had been asking Dedue a question, the context of which Annette couldn’t remember, and Dedue wasn’t answering her. Then she had grown irritated, and lashed out at him. Annette had been nothing but kind and understanding with Dedue as long as they had known each other. The least she deserved was a simple yes or no, maybe even a head shake. At least something more than the silent, guarded stare he used on everybody. Filled with self righteous rage, Annette railed on Dedue.

When he still didn’t give any indication that he had even heard Annette’s simple question, she had stormed off to the room she shared with Ingrid, and proceeded to tear the room apart. Tossing their clothes everywhere and pulling drawers out of the dressers. She tore bed sheets and probably would have toppled the bunk beds over if Ingrid hadn’t alerted the nurses and they came in to talk her down.

Afterwards, Annette felt mind-rendingly ashamed. She had acted grossly inappropriate, flying off the handle the way she did. There was no excuse for the way he had acted, she was better than that. Annette had sobbed into her pillow for a few hours before the guilt abated enough for her to push it aside. Then she did as she had always done in situations like these, pretended it had never happened, and never spoke of it again. Always best to move on, forgive and forget. Or at least forget.

She hadn’t spoken to Dedue since, and wasn’t about to start now. The small group made their way to the rec room. Annette indicated the boys should sit down while she gathered the paper, coloring pages and crayons. The Blue Lion Ward was no longer allowed colored pencils because of Felix’s habit of sharpening them into deadly points and hiding them around his room or on his person.

Happily she dumped the pile onto the center of the table and sat down next to Ashe. Dimitri reached across the table and grabbed a yellow, red and blue crayon and a sheet of paper. He and Dedue looked comical, sitting in the folding chairs there were just a bit too small for them. Ashe looked a little out of his element when Annette offered him a few choices of colors and a picture of an elephant. He smiled anyways and took the paper, filling in random bits of the page.

Annette took a blank page herself, and began drawing pictures of cute kitties and puppies in purple and pink. After a doodle or two she glanced over at Dimitri again. He was coloring spots all over the page, not worrying about staying in the lines. Most of the spots were yellow and blue, but there were a few in red. Each red mark was pressed beneath a finger of his non dominant hand.

“What are you doing Dimitri?” Annette asked pleasantly.

“I have to keep the red from invading the blue and yellow,” he explained, not looking up from his coloring. “Otherwise the picture will become messy.”

“I see….” Annette said, doing what she could to accept that this was the best answer he was going to be able to give her.

Ashe gave her a very confused and slightly fearful look, but Annette just smiled to assure him everything was ok. She watched Dimitri color for a while. The number of red splotches steadily increased in some kind of strange pattern that only Dimitri was privy to. He continued until there were eight red splotches on the page, and then he paused. Dimitri looked ready to place the next red splotch, but then he would have to sacrifice one of his two remaining coloring fingers. He studied the page perplexed. As if sensing his dilemma, Dedue reached his hand over to Dimitri’s picture and replaced each of Dimitri’s fingers with one of his own.

Dimitri gave Dedue a brilliant smile, one with teeth and a little crinkle in the corner of his eye. “Thank you Dedue.”

Dedue said nothing, didn’t even blush like Annette knew she would have if that shining face had been directed at her. He just sat quietly and held down the red marks so Dimitri could finish his work. Annette didn’t quite understand, but she didn’t need to. Her heart swelled with fondness for the attentive care Dedue was showing his dear friend.

Annette returned to her own coloring and remained absorbed with her own work until the page was crammed with adorable little animals. By then, Ashe had given up on coloring his green elephant and was just watching the other three. Annette did not notice that all of the crayons that Ashe had been using to color had mysteriously disappeared. Dimitri had finished his own drawing, and he seemed to be considering what to do next. Dedue still had his fingertips pressed to the red spots on the page.

“What’s wrong Dimitri?” Annette asked.

“I’m worried that if I have Dedue let go of the red it will slide all over the page.” He scratched his head, trying to figure out how to keep the red still without forcing his friend to sit there forever with his fingers stuck to a coloring page.

“I’m sure that now that you are done the red will hold still for you,” Annette tried to reason with him.

“You might be right,” Dimitri admitted.

Slowly, he wrapped his long fingers around Dedue’s thick palms. He took a deep breath, shut his eye, and lifted Dedue’s hand away from the paper. After a moment's hesitation, he reopened his eye. Relief flooded his face when he discovered that the red had not moved after being released.

“Can I see it Dimitri?” Annette asked, after giving him a moment to revel in his victory. Object permanence was a trick thing after all.

Dimitri nodded happily and passed the page to Annette. She gasped at what she saw on the page, causing Ashe to lean over to get a look for himself. Dimitri had created a recreation of the moderately complex mandela he had been coloring on top of, turned almost exactly 45 degrees, with no guide lines. Annette was stunned, she wasn’t sure this was possible to achieve, even by highly skilled artists.

“This is amazing Dimitri! I’m super impressed,” Annette fawned.

“Me too,” Ashe quietly agreed.

“Thanks….” Dimitri responded, blushing with the praise.

Annette was filled with joy. These precious people here were all wonderful and kind and talented. She dearly treasured every one of them. They each deserved all the love she could give them. The patients of the Blue Lion Ward were like family. And just like family they shared in each other’s successes, and helped ease each other’s woes. Annette felt sure that this family would never abandon her, and she would be sure to hold them close in return.

“We should go show this to Dr. Eisner,” Annette said. “I bet she would like to see it. What do you think, Dimitri?”

“I’m not sure,” he said, sounding shy.

“You remember Ms. Dr. Eisner, right Dimitri. I think she would be very impressed.” Annette coaxed. “Come on, let’s show her. I’ll go with you.”

“Ok… and thank you….” Dimitri said, letting Annette gently lead him by the hand to the nurses station, where she hoped to find the female twin of the Eisner Doctors working on paperwork.


	4. Discharge

Felix had been really good recently. Annette had noticed that he was taking his medicine when he was supposed to. According to Ingrid he had stopped trying to avoid group and had started to participate a little bit. The nurses had stopped finding weapons hidden in Felix’s room for the past three mornings. Annette couldn’t be more proud of her boy.

When Annette saw him today, he was standing next to a tall man with the same hair, a backpack leaned on the ground against his ankle. They were at the nurses station talking with Mr. Dr. Eisner. Annette skipped up to them.

“Morning Felix. Is this your dad?”

Felix’s crossed arms and sharp glare were not followed by harsh words like she had come to expect. “Yes.”

Before they could talk further, a nurse came around from the nurse’s station. “Annette, will you come with me for a second?”

“Sure,” she said brightly, following the nurse to her bedroom.

When they got there, the nurse bent down so he was on the same level as her. “Annette, Felix is leaving today.”

“... What?” Annette didn’t believe his words.

“The doctors have decided that he has improved enough to go home.”

Annette’s chest began to feel heavy. “But he can’t leave.”

Calm, quiet and patient, the nurse asked, “Why not Annette.”

“He’s sick. He’s ill. You’ve seen the scars on his arms,” her words came out faster and faster with each sentence.

“Those are old wounds. He’s healing now.”

“But he needs to be here, he needs me.” Annette was becoming frantic.

“Annette-”

“NO! You don’t understand. He won’t make it without my love. I can’t protect him if he leaves. What are you going to do if he relapses and I wasn’t there to help him? He isn’t ready to leave, it’s not safe.”

“Annette-”

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!” tears were streaming down Annette’s face, her breathing was coming out in short spurts.

The nurse waited a moment to see if she was going to say anything else. When she didn’t, he said “This isn’t about you Annette. This is about Felix. He can’t stay here forever.”

Annette crumpled, sitting down on the bed and rubbing furiously at her eyes. She pressed her mouth into a stubborn frown and refused to look at the nurse. Finally, she said, “Whatever, I hated him anyways.”

The nurse watched her for a moment, expression unreadable. “Would you like me to have Dr. Eisner to come speak with you when he is done?”

“It doesn’t matter does it,” she barked, throwing her hands in the air.

“Alright, I’ll have him come by.” The nurse left Annette in the room by herself, still sniffling and radiating frustration.


	5. Return Patient

Felix was back in the hospital by the end of the week. It just proved to everyone that he was weak and stupid. Someone who was strong, someone like his brother, wouldn’t be forced to go back to the hospital. Glenn wouldn’t have screwed up something as easy as killing yourself. Felix must be really inept if he could even die properly.

Now he was back in this stupid place. Getting out the first time had been easy. All he had to do was follow their stupid rules, ask a couple questions in group and take those stupid pills the doctors gave him that only made his head numb and made it harder to think. Stupid doctors couldn’t even give him a medicien that worked. They were all stupid. He was stupid.

He had stopped taking those dumb pills the moment he got out of the hospital. When he did, everything went back to the way things were. The medicine hadn’t fixed his problems at all. Then, everything got worse. He couldn’t even bring himself to walk down stairs to get breakfast. It was pathetic. He felt weak, shakey. Exhausted, he had stripped out of his clothes and hunkered down in the bathtub. He wasn’t enough of a dick to make a mess for his father to clean up after he was gone. Felix pulled the blades out of his brother’s razor, and slit his wrists.

It had been his brother who had found him, vision going dark and his senses fading. Glenn had scooped him out of the tub, rushed him to the car, and sped him to the hospital. All Felix could remember was his brother’s strong arms holding him close, curse words rumbling deep in his chest. When he woke up again, it was in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors, his brother on one side holding his hand, his father on the other talking with Mr. Dr. Eisner. They had asked why he had tried to kill himself.

That’s when it all came out. With tears and choked anger, witnessed by his brother, father, Mr. Dr. Eisner and the nurse who came in to replace his sailene. It was embarrassing. Felix was weak, and stupid. All he did was take up space and make people waste their energy worrying about him. He would never be as good as his brother, or as good as his father wanted him to be. Not even the drugs the doctor had given him had made him better. It was impossible to make anything worthwhile out of him. He was better off dying so he could get out of everyone's way.

After he said his piece and stopped sobbing, his father had sat down on the edge of the bed, pet his hair, and told him that he had never been disappointed in Felix. He loved Felix, no matter what he did or said or made of himself, and that was never going to change. Glenn followed up by saying that he didn’t have to be as good as him, because Felix was good in his own way. Felix cried some more.

Mr. Dr. Eisner then explained to Felix about withdrawal, and how it was likely that the reason he had been feeling worse than he ever had in his life is because he had suddenly stopped taking his medication. He also explained that these medications were meant to be taken for a very long time, and one week on the meds were not going to immediately cure him. There were also a huge number of medications they could prescribe to him, and if he didn’t feel good on the ones he was taking they would be able to change it. There was still hope.

They all discussed plans to move forward, and Mr. Dr. Eisner suggested that they re-admit him to the Blue Lions Ward. That would be the safest place for Felix to be. His father agreed. Felix didn’t feel like he could say no, not after having scared his family so badly and not with how hopeful the doctor sounded.

Now, here he was. Back in the same goddess forsaken room with the same goddess forsaken people. It was like nothing had changed, except for the fact that now he had a roommate. They had moved Sylvain out of Ashe’s room and stuck him in with Felix. The lecher had just smiled over an armful of belongings and welcomed him back with a wink. He was going to be an awful roommate. Felix didn’t say anything to him. He just lay down on the bottom bunk, he was tired of climbing up that stuped ladder every time he got into bed, and closed his eyes while listening to Sylvain shuffle around his belongings and get ready for bed.

Sylvain must have assumed that Felix had fallen asleep, because he soon heard the tell tale *shick shick* of a man who was touching himself.

“Shut up Gautier,” Felix growled.

The sound suddenly stopped. “Heh, sorry,” Sylvain said, and Felix could almost hear him rubbing the back of his neck in his voice.

“I don’t need to put up with your insatiable habits when I’m trying to sleep,” Felix grumbled.

“I guess you’re right.”

Felix was about to attempt to fall asleep when the bed started shaking and he heard shuffling from above. Sylvain’s head appeared in the air, upside down from the top bunk. Felix gave Sylvain his most annoyed glare.

“How about we make a deal? I’ll stop mastrabating at night if you stop hiding knives in your mattress.”

Felix rolled his eyes. He understood what Sylvain was trying to do. This way they would help each other out, be accountable to each other. It sounded like that stupid, thereputic bullshit he had only half paied attention to last time he was here. It sounded like it might work. “Fine, whatever. Go to sleep.”

Sylvain flashed his pearly whites at Felix before his head disappeared again. The red head was quiet for the rest of the night. Maybe he wouldn’t make such a bad roommate after all. Not that Felix would ever say that to him, his head was big enough as it was.


	6. Relapse

Sylvain hadn’t touched himself in four days. When he had made his deal with Felix he hadn’t expected the angsty boy to be so stubborn. The first day had been hilarious, watching the surprise on the nurse’s face when a knife didn’t turn up during room check. On the second day Felix was clearly on edge, anxious without the security of having a blade on him. The third day had both of them antsy and jumpy. Today they had been at each other’s throats, barely able to be in the same room as each other. Group had been tense to say the least.

Sylvain was cursing his optimism from four days ago. He had been very proud of himself, having cut back his mastrabatory habits to once a day since he started his stay in the hospital. Ashe had never minded Sylvain’s nightly escapades, or at least he never said anything about it. Sylvain had done his best to be discrete.

The doctors had warned Sylvain about quitting cold turkey, but oh no, he had to have the brilliant idea to ignore their advice. Sylvain was convinced that he had been hard all day. Arousal curled so tightly in his gut that he felt sick. He couldn’t think of anything that didn’t relate to sexual gratification. Sylvain never would have thought he would consider sexual thoughts as annoying, yet here he was.

He couldn’t take it any longer; he had to get off or he was going to die. Sylvain gathered up his shower stuff and headed to the community bathroom. It was secluded enough, and people jerked off in the shower all the time. He could hardly be considered indecent for relieving himself in the bathroom.

The first stroke was heavenly. Hot water and steam clouded his vision and made his head feel heady. His mind was completely consumed by the sensation of his hand on his dick. Sylvain couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to, and that scared him a little bit. But it felt so good he ignored his rational mind and plowed deeper into euphoria.

When he came he stumbled, nearly crashing to his knees on the slippery floor. His mind blanked out, conscious thought fleeing his brain. He was gasping, and came back to reality hard and fast when he started choking on the water he was inhaling. This was not a proud moment for Sylvain.

He felt disgusting, like a lesser human. Sylvain had succumbed to his addiction, and let it carry him away. Normal people could control their sexual urges. They could go longer than a week without touching themselves. Some people went their whole lives without ever touching themselves or having sex. So why couldn’t Sylvain?

Sylvain cried in the shower, watching as the water washed his tears and semen down the drain. He felt pathetic. Desperately, he wanted someone to forgive him for his lapse. He wanted someone to tell him that he was ok, and this moment of weakness was not going to ruin all the progress he had made. Sylvain couldn’t quite bring himself to say those things to himself.

He stepped out of the shower and dressed himself, only half heartedly drying his hair as he walked back to his room. When he walked through the door he was met with a surprise. Felix was hunched over on his bunk, biting savagely into his arm. His eyes were unfocused and he was barely breathing.

“Felix! What are you doing?!” Sylvain rushed across the room and pulled Felix’s arm away from his mouth.

The deep bite mark on Felix’s arm was bleeding where his incisors had pierced the skin. There was a little bit of blood on Felix’s upper lip and teeth. Felix stared at Sylvain for a moment, jaw slack and brow furrowed in confusion.

“I couldn’t help it,” Felix said, sounding dazed.

“You can’t do that Felix. You’re hurting yourself,” Sylvain said as if that didn’t make him feel like the biggest hypocrite ever.

“Whatever,” Felix grumbled, the familiar bite returning to his voice as he wrenched his arm away from Sylvain.

“Why would you do that to yourself Felix?” Sylvain asked.

“Why not?” Felix sounded defensive.

Sylvain thought the answer was self evident, but he didn’t get the chance to voice this outloud.

“Besides, it’s not like you can talk. I heard you in the showers.”

Ah… he had been caught. Great, now he could feel guilty over that too. He wondered deprecatingly if his own slip had had a hand in encouraging Felix to self harm.

Sylvain flopped backwards onto Felix’s bed, huffing out a loud sigh. To his surprise, Felix followed him, taking his hand and entering their fingers.

“We’re a mess aren’t we,” Sylvain said with a disparaging chuckle.

“We are in a mental hospital,” Felix stated.

“Touche.” Sylvain took a moment to gather himself, taking a deep breath before saying the things he most wanted to hear right now. “We are going to be ok. This isn’t going to be the end of things for us.” It felt ok to comfort himself like this when he was talking about Felix too.

“Yeah…” Felix said quietly. Then, much more loudly, he said, “At least  _ I _ will be. I’m not an insatiable prick.”

Sylvain laughed, and squeezed Felix’s hand. “I suppose you’re right.”


	7. Me and Us

The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon, sending an overcast, gray light into Dimitri and Dedue’s room. Dimitri was just waking up. His head felt fuzzy and his mind was pleasantly quiet. If not for the grogginess and heaviness on his limbs, Dimitri would feel content. He lounged happily in the bed, letting himself doze before he was forced to get up.

A quiet voice called into his room, “Room check.”

Dimitri sat up. *Thunk*. His head collided with the ceiling. He did this every morning

_ Stupid ceiling. _

_ Well, if you weren't so freakishly tall. _

Dimitri yawned and made his way down from the top bunk of his bed. He stood next to Dedue and watched as the nurse shuffled around their mattresses and checked the obvious hiding places for contraband. They didn’t usually find anything in his room, and today was no exception.

_ Maybe they would unstack the bunks if you asked them. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with the low ceiling every morning. _

_ Are we really still on this? Can’t we just move on? _

_ Don’t make them go through all the effort of unstacking the beds for you. It would be inconsiderate to make them work so hard for your problem. _

_ You don’t even know if the bunks un-stack. It’s probably not even possible. _

_ Move on. Remember how we were moving on? _

The nurse had finished room check and had left. Dedue was still standing next to Dimitri, waiting patiently for him.

“Oh, sorry Dedue. We were having a bit of an argument. Let’s go get breakfast.”

When Dimitri had first met Dedue, he had found his presence a little annoying. The taller man was always following Dimitri around, always within arms reach. Over time, he had grown accustomed to Dedue’s companionship. He became something of a comfort to Dimitri.

Apparently they had been in the same accident. Dimitri didn’t remember seeing him there, but he didn’t remember much from the accident. He remembers fire and screaming, explosions and blood. Then he remembers waking up in the hospital, missing an eye and still hearing the screaming. They told him his parents had died, and Dimitri gave up on clinging to his last bit of sanity. After the third night of waking up screaming to the dead, Dimitri was visited by Mr. Dr. Eisner, and agreed to admit himself to Garreg Mach Mental Hospital.

Dimitri didn’t have a history of mental illness, and there wasn’t any in his family. The doctors didn’t have a good explanation as to why Dimitri had ended up this way after the accident. Some suggested that it was caused by the head trauma and smoke inhalation. Some thought for a while that there was some hidden history of illness that Dimitri wasn’t coherent enough to tell them. After reviewing his medical files, that theory was debunked.

Dedue was an even bigger mystery. When he was pulled from the fire his identification was never found. He had been alone, and no one had ever come in claiming to have known him. The police had done the best they could to identify him, but nothing came of their investigation. Because of this, the doctors had no history on Dedue whatsoever.

The doctors didn’t know if Dedue’s lack of communication was an inability, or a refusal to speak. For a time they didn’t even know if Dedue understood the language they were speaking. He wouldn’t write things down, he wouldn’t shake or nod his head. The only way you could tell he was even listening was his piercing stare.

On the way to pick up their breakfast, Dimitri came across Ms. Dr. Eisner.

“Hello Dimitri,” she said. “Do you remember that we have a one on one today?”

Dimitri nodded. They had one on one meetings regularly to help assess how the medications were affecting Dimitri.

_ Every day. _

_ Once a week _

_ Every other day. _

How often didn’t matter. The days seemed to blend together here anyways.

“If you have already eaten we could have our meeting now,” she suggested.

_ Better take care of this now, wouldn’t want to inconvenience her and make her wait on you. _

_ But you haven’t eaten yet. _

_ It’s now or never. She’s gonna give up on you. _

_ You don’t deserve food when there are so many people who are never going to eat again. _

_ We must respect the dead. _

_ She said after you have eaten. You haven’t eaten yet. _

“Now’s fine,” Dimitri said. “Dedue, you don’t have to accompany us.”

Dedue watched as the pair walked back down the hall to Dimitri’s room. Ms. Dr. Eisner shut the door behind them when they entered and gestured for Dimitri to sit on Dedue’s bunk. She sat down next to him and scribbled down the date on her note book.

“How are you feeling today Dimtiri?”

Dimitri did a mental once over of his body. No aches or pains. No abnormal twitching. Not too hot or cold. “The same as always.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner nodded. “We started you on Perphenazine on Friday. Have you noticed any differences after taking it?”

Dimitri thought again. He couldn’t honestly say he felt much different. His mind still spun from the overload of information from his voices. Maybe they had been a little quieter when speaking to him today. Maybe? But not much.

“I haven’t noticed a difference,” Dimitri admitted a little ashamed. Should he be feeling different by now?

_ Probably. _

_ Any normal person would. _

_ If you weren’t so freakishly big. _

“That’s ok, you only started a few days ago and are still on the lowest dose. It may take time for you to notice any changes,” Ms. Dr. Eisner said as if she could read his anxiety.

Dimitri breathed a sigh of relief.

“How are the voices today?”

Dimitri shrugged. “About the same as always. We had a disagreement today.”

“What was that about?” she asked, sounding curious.

_ Don’t tell her, it would just be you whining about your bed. _

_ She can’t do anything to help you with your problem anyways. _

_ If she asked, she wants to know. Might as well tell her. _

_ Are we really going back to this? Ridiculous. Move on already. _

_ I thought we had moved on. _

_ Just don’t be a bitch about this. _

Dimitri was getting more and more caught up in his head. In the end, he decided to dodge the subject. “It’s not a big deal.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner observed him with that blank, non-judgemental stare she used on all the patients. “How does that make you feel Dimitri?”

_ Embarrassed. _

_ Ridiculous. _

_ Don’t tell her how it feels, it’s embarrassing. _

_ But back to the bed topic. _

_ Shut up about the beds. _

“Exhausted,” Dimitri sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“That’s understandable,” she said, a small smile quirking at the corner of her lips. She paused for a moment, considering. “How long has it been since you haven’t heard the voices Dimitri?”

Dimitri thought again, but came up empty. “I’m not sure.”

“It sounds like you could use a break from them.”

Dimitri quickly nodded.

_ That would be fantastic. _

_ Sounds relaxing. _

_ No shit Sherlock. _

_ I thought that’s what you were trying to do for us in the first place. _

_ A break would be nice. _

“Do you like music Dimitri?”

“Music?” Dimitri paused. “Yes, we like music.”

“Some people who hear voices find music distracting from their hallucinations. It can provide relief, in some cases. I can see what I can do about getting you access to a music player if you would like.”

“I think I would like that.”

“Then I will work on that. You know Dimitri, this is the most present I’ve seen you in a long time. I think we should continue with the Perphenazine. We can increase the dose and see how you do. Are you ok with that plan?”

Dimitri nodded. “Yes. I trust your judgement.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner stood up, checking over her notes. “I’ll let you get back to Dedue. See you later in group Dimitri.”

Dimitri felt a moment of panic.

_ Ask her about the beds. _

_ Seriously... _

_ Quick, say something. _

_ How do you address her again? _

_ Doctor. _

_ Miss. _

_ Professor. _

_ Stop her! She’s leaving! _

“Profester-” Dimitri said, cutting himself off when he realized what had just sprung from his mouth.

She turned to face him again. “Remember Dimitri, if my title is too hard you can just call me Byleth. I don’t mind.”

Dimitri opened and closed his mouth a few times before he lost his nerve to say anything. “It’s nothing, nevermind.”

“Alright,” she said. “Come and find me if you need anything.”


	8. One Glass of Water and Two Ears

Ashe was getting worse. At least he felt like he was getting worse. He couldn’t keep himself from nicking every small object within his reach. Pens, pencils, crayons, eating utensils, the screws that kept the tables mounted to the table legs in the group room. He had even begun to take objects that wern’t community property. Annette and Mercedes were common victims, being so fond of the travel size lotion bottles and little makeup containers. Those he always made sure to return before they were missed, the community art supplies were usually found by the nurses and doctors during the morning room check. They seemed to be skilled at finding his hiding places, and he wondered despondently if he were the cause.

He hated it every time one of the nurses found something he had stolen. It was a miserable feeling, one that he dreaded every night. Sometimes his anxiety kept him up at night or invaded his dreams. Ashe almost couldn’t remember the last time he had slept soundly. He thought longingly back to the nights he fell asleep listening to Sylvain’s stifled moans. Ashe had taken a sick comfort in knowing that there was someone else who was struggling just as much as he was with his vices.

Now Sylvain was bunking with Felix, and things seemed to be going well for them. Ashe envied Felix for that. Why couldn’t he be the one improving with the help of Sylvain? The thought made him feel angry and disgusted with himself. Angry because it felt unfair for Ashe to have his roommate and support taken from him. Disgusted because Felix probably needed Sylvain more than Ashe did, given that he was suicidal, and it was awful for Ashe to wish to take that away from Felix.

But there were worse things going on in Ashe’s world than his jealousy over Sylvain. Ashe hadn’t seen his siblings once since being admitted to the Blue Lion Ward. His loneliness and anxiety around that eating him alive. The whole reason he was here in the first place was for them.

He was 16, but still old enough to become legal guardian for his two siblings. They had suffered through four years of foster care together, and Ashe was determined to end that for them all. He had filed to become their legal guardian, and a few days later had been caught shoplifting chapstick by a particularly high strung gas station cashier. The old hag had pursued legal actions, dragged Ashe to court, and proceeded to ruin any chances he had at turning life around for his remaining family. Or so he had thought.

The judge presiding over his criminal case was the same one who was looking into his petition for guardianship. She had decided, with the advice from a social worker and a professional therapist, to send Ashe to a court mandated mental health facility. The judge had said that if he completed the program at the hospital and the doctors here thought he was making good progress on his illness, he would have paid back his debt to society and be granted guardianship over his siblings. At the time, the verdict had been a huge relief.

Ashe had no idea how hard it would be to actually go through with what the judge had decided. Being in an unfamiliar place and constantly watched was unnerving to say the least. At first this was minor, but then his siblings failed to visit. The judge had allowed supervised visitation while he was in the hospital, and he knew the hospital would be able to arrange that with a social worker. However, they never showed up.

Ashe didn’t know if their current foster parents were forbidding his siblings from visiting, or maybe just avoiding the subject. Pretending they didn’t have time or that the hospital was too far away. It wouldn’t surprise Ashe, he had seen foster parents do things like that before. What hurt the most was imagining that his siblings didn’t want to come see him. Maybe they were avoiding him because they were disgusted by him, their brother nothing more than a petty criminal. Either way it sucked.

Searching for relief from his stress, Ashe had started stealing more. The flash of adrenaline, the deep gut sensation of excitement, the thrill of getting away with it. Everything washed over him like a tidal wave, for a moment washing aside his fears and troubles. But then there was the building anxiety of “lost” items being discovered in his possession, and the reality of having to face that every day. Ashe would have thought he would be desensitized to the crushing shame by now, but it got worse every day.

Right now he was sitting alone in the rec room, hunched over the table with his thoughts swirling around in his head. Well, he wasn’t entirely alone. Mercedes was there too, but she wasn’t ever really “there.” She had been staring at the white board when Ashe had entered, marker in hand and poised over the pristine surface as if she were about to write something. Ashe hadn’t bothered her, and she hadn’t bothered him. She hadn’t even moved since he sat down.

Ashe fisted his hands into his hair, trembling as despair rushed through him. He sank lower in his chair, doing his best to curl up into himself. Anxiety crushed tears past his tightly shut eyelids. His breathing was fast and uncontrolled. Everything was piling up on Ashe all at once and it was unbearable.

A sudden thunk on the table in front of him startled Ashe’s eyes open. Before him was a glass of water, freshly poured. He looked around to see Mercedes sitting next to him, a kind smile stretching across her face.

“Drink some water. Slowly. It will help,” she said, her light voice sounding more melodious than Ashe had imagined it would.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, wrapping his hands around the glas. It was cold.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

Ashe didn’t know why he said anything, but he told her everything. About missing his family, stealing things to get over missing them and then fretting over the things he stole and his absent siblings. Maybe it was her warmth, the way she spoke with no judgement in her voice. Maybe it was because she was also a patient here, also struggling with some seemingly insurmountable turmoil. Maybe it was because she was here with ears to listen with.

When he finished Mercedes said, “It’s almost like you are a little knight. One who had to steal things to survive. You could almost picture it, couldn’t you…?”

Mercedes trailed off and Ashe looked at her questioningly. She was gone again, eyes unseeingly staring at the table top. He didn’t quite understand the comparison, but he had heard stranger things come out of Dimitri’s mouth, so he wasn’t shocked.

Ashe actually felt a lot better. He felt a little more hopeful. Maybe he wasn’t entirely lost, and would be able to get through this. Grateful to Mercedes’ sudden act of kindness, he reached over and hugged her. She didn’t respond to the contact, but he still whispered a quiet “Thank you,” in her ear. Afterall, if Mercedes could bring herself back to earth long enough to hand him a glass of water and listen to his story, then he could pull himself back together from the scraps that remained and overcome just about anything.


	9. Goodbye For Now

Dimitri was feeling better. Everyone was shocked by this, nurses and patients alike. The doctors had tried almost everything with Dimitri. They had tried every form of talk therapy and medications ranging from over the counter to atypical. Nothing had altered Dimitri’s mental stability for the better. Many had even made it worse, either exasperating symptoms he already had or manifesting ones he didn’t. One time he had even passed out, nearly falling into cardiac arrest. They had learned the hard way that Dimitri was sensitive to medications that affect blood pressure.

Yet for some astonishing reason, after a one on one with Mr. Dr. Eisner and an undisturbed, day long nap, Dimitri had made a complete turn around. Sure, he was still hearing voices, but he was coherent. Dimitri could tell you the time of day, how he was feeling, what the medications felt like as they took effect and even called people by name. Their actual name, not someone else's name or a made up name. Mr. Dr. Eisner was praised as a miracle worker, blessed by the goddess herself. Whenever this was brought up around his twin, she would glare daggers at him.

One of the first things Dimitri did when he “came back to earth,” as the nurses were calling it, was try to interact with Dedue. He seemed puzzled by the large man at first. Dimtiri clearly recognized him as a presence that had been his constant companion, but there seemed to be a misconception as to weather Dedue had been a real person. His confusion only deepened when Dedue didn’t say anything when addressed. Dimitri even asked Annette if Dedue was real just to make sure he wasn’t seeing things again.

At first, Dimitri thought Dedue was just shy. Being the largest, and possibly strongest, person in the ward besides Dedue himself, Dimitri thought Dedue might be using him as a social shield, kind of like how a toddler hides behind the knees of their parents. It took only a few hours for Dimitri to realize he was completely wrong. Dedue could stand in a group of people on his own, sit on the other side of a table from Dimtiri and even gave Dimitri space when he asked for it. Which only led to more questions.

Dedue never responded when spoken to. Dimitri wasn’t even sure if Dedue understood the language he was speaking. Yet, when he muttered something like “bathroom,” or “food,” or even sighed in a particular way, Dedue would react differently. When Dimitri headed to the bathroom, Dedue would wait wherever Dimtiri left him. On his first day “back,” he had sighed quietly through his nose, exhausted by the late conversation he was having with Annette and Sylvain. Dedue had stood up, and led him by the hand to their room, turned off the light, and climbed into bed.

Dimitri couldn’t decide if it was eerie or endearing, the way Dedue knew him so well. He was quick to notice how Dedue responded to his tells, and it took a few days for Dimitri to realize that he could also read Dedue the same way. For example, right at mealtimes Dedue would look at Dimitri in a certain way. His gaze would be expectant and patient. Most people would say Dedue’s look was expressionless, but Dimitri understood what it meant right away. Dedue was waiting to get Dimitri’s attention so they could go get food together.

What was more concerning to Dimitri was not his ability to understand Dedue through the large man’s subtle shifting in posture or by the “gleam in his eyes.” The thing that startled Dimitri was how Dedue was always able to grab Dimitri’s attention. He could be reading the pamphlets that he had not been able to properly take in before, he could be absorbed in conversations with the nurses, or otherwise occupied, but if Dedue wanted to “say'' something to him, Dimitri’s attention always turned to his silent companion. It felt strange. Like he could feel energy shift around Dedue much in the same way you do when someone shouted to get your attention. At least that was the best explanation Dimitri could come up with.

Mr. Dr. Eisner told Dimitri not to be too surprised by this. That he was likely more sensitive to that kind of thing than most people, and his rapport with Dedue made Dimitri more intune with the quiet man than he was with other people. Dimitri speculated that he had learned how to silently communicate with Dedue during his stay at the hospital, and his subconscious retained that knowledge somehow. Regardless, Dimitri was grateful that he and Dedue shared such a close bond.

He wasn’t the only one in the Blue Lions Ward that was able to understand Dedue. Both Ashe and Annette seemed particularly attentive to Dedue’s silent communication. Mercedes also seemed to understand Dedue on some level, when she wasn’t “elsewhere.” Dimitri still felt a hint of pride at being Dedue’s closest confidant, and relished in being able to understand him better than anyone else.

After a week of remarkable improvement, and several tests that seemed to only further confound the doctors, Dimitri was discharged from the hospital. All the nurses were thrilled, and some of the security looked relieved that he was leaving. His fellow patients even congratulated Dimitri individually. Except for Felix who pointedly ignored him. Even Mercedes was able to say goodbye to him.

On the day of his departure, Dedue followed Dimitri all the way to the nurse’s station where Dimitri signed paperwork on his way out the door. Ms. Dr. Byleth was facilitating his discharge, watching him with calculating eyes behind a blank expression as he filled out paperwork. Dedue was standing in Dimitri’s shadow, just like always, but something was different. He looked a little stiffer than normal. Dedue must have known what was happening.

As Dimitri set the pen down after signing the last paper, Dedue reached out and pinched Dimitri’s sleeve between two of his fingers. Dimitri took one look at Dedue and crumpled. Ms. Dr. Eisner was surprised to see such a large, sturdy man shut down so quickly. It looked like someone had punched him straight in the diaphragm. After looking at Dedue she understood why.

The large man rarely emoted, his face closer to a permanent deadpan. For the first time in over a year, Dedue was expressing feelings on his face. Ms. Dr. Eisner was disheartened to see that his first expression was fear. Dimitri pulled his friend into a firm hug, letting Dedue bury his face in his neck. They clung to each other for a long moment, before some unspoken agreement passed between them and they parted. Dimitri was crying and Dedue was back to his regular, expressionless affect.

“What will become of Dedue once I’m gone?” Dimitri asked, turing to Ms. Dr. Eisner.

She pretended not to notice that Dimitri was still clutching Dedue’s hand. “I believe we will be ok. You are very important to Dedue, Dimitri, but there are lots of people here who are invested in his well being. Dedue will be fine.”

Dimitri shuffled his feet, glancing between Dedue and Ms. Dr. Eisner. “Does Dedue have to be here? I mean, I never see him take anything. He’s not sick is he?”

“Not in the traditional sense,” Ms. Dr. Eisner mused, leaning back in her chair. “In fact, I would say he is the most stable patient here, despite his inability to speak.”

“Could he come home with me?” Dimitri asked, looking like the fate of the world depended upon Ms. Dr. Eisner’s answer.

“You don’t have to do that Dimitri. Right now it is important that you take care of yourself. I can’t recommend you caring for another person given your recent mental state.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I’m all alone now, and I will be going back to a big, empty house. A-and I am a lot healthier now. Everyone says so. You wouldn’t be discharging me if you didn’t think otherwise. Please, just answer my question.”

She tapped a pen against her lips, considering. “I don’t rightly know,” she finally confessed. “Mutism isn’t exactly something we are supposed to keep people here for. However, we haven’t heard from any family or friends who would be able to take care of him. He can’t function normally in society, so we can’t just turn him out. Let me ask my colleagues, and check with the higher ups to make sure, but I might be able to discharge him. Only if I were to release him into your care.”

Dimitri physically brightened. “That would be wonderful! Yes, I accept.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner held up a hand. “It may take some time to get everything in order. He can’t leave with you today.”

Dimitri’s shoulders slumped, but his smile remained. “Yes, of course. Thank you so much Byleth, for everything.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner smiled a very small smile. “You’re welcome Dimitri.”


	10. New Roommate

Ashe fiddled uncomfortably with the bag in his arms. He stood in the doorway to Dimitri and Dedue’s room. Well, it was just Dedue’s room now- or, his and Dedue’s room. He had been assigned a new room once Dimitri had been discharged. Ashe felt a lot of things about moving into Dimitri’s old bunk. He was glad he was going to have a roommate again, but felt guilty for taking Dimitri’s spot. Ashe was doing everything in his power to keep himself from spiraling, so he distracted himself with the zipper pull on his bag.

“Hey Dedue,” he said, finally gathering up the courage to look at his friend.

Dedue sat on the bottom bunk, staring down at his hands folded in his lap, expression blank. It was subtle, but Ashe could see the droop of his shoulders, like a wilted flower. Ashe set his bag down on the floor and walked over to Dedue.

“You miss Dimitri don’t you?” Ashe asked.

Dedue didn’t respond, but Ashe knew he was right. He sat down on the bed, watching Dedue for any sign of discomfort. He didn’t show any, but he didn’t show any signs of anything at all.

“There are still people here who care about you Dedue, people who would be happy to help you,” Ashe said. Then he whispered, “I’m one of them.”

It didn’t seem like Dedue did anything, but Ashe could tell he was listening.

“Can I hug you?” he asked, watching Dedue carefully.

Dedue continued to be unresponsive, so Ashe just leaned over and wrapped his arms around Dedue’s broad shoulders as best he could. To Ashe’s immediate relief, Dedue leaned ever so slightly into the embrace.

“It’s all gonna be ok Dedue,” Ashe said, believing it for himself for the first time. “It’s all gonna be ok.”


	11. Twelve Steps

Felix, Sylvain and Ashe were having the strangest “one on one” with Ms. Dr. Eisner they had ever had. Or perhaps this was the most stereotypically normal group session the three of them had ever had. Sylvain couldn’t quite tell the difference.

Group therapy for the Blue Lion’s Ward had been split into two separate groups for as long as Sylvain had been admitted. The line the doctors used was that, this way, the patients could grow more comfortable and familiar with each other and the presenting doctor. It was more intimate. Ingrid had set the record straight for Sylvain when she told him about the fight between Felix and Dimitri. The doctors were doing everything in their power to keep the two of them apart.

Once Dimitri had been discharged, the two groups had reformed into one big one, rather seamlessly. Nearly a day later Ms. Dr. Eisner had requested that he, Felix and Ashe join her for a more personalized group that afternoon. Sylvain had agreed easily, Felix and Ashe only slightly more hesitant. So here they sat, three of them at the large group table facing the white board and Ms. Dr. Eisner.

“Thank you all for joining me,” Ms. Dr. Eisner said, sitting down across from them.

They all nodded, curious as to why they had been singled out.

“From my perspective, it seems that the current therapeutic regimens you all have been participating in have not been helping you as much as you would like. Would you agree?”

Again, they all nodded, glancing between each other.

“You all suffer from some kind of addiction or another-”

“I’m not addicted to anything,” Felix interrupted, as contrary as ever.

“Physical pain, especially the pain from self harm, can be as addicting as any drug or habbit. And often extends from similar venurabilties.” Ms. Dr. Eisner informed him, shutting Felix up. “But I’m not here to judge you or blame you for this. I have a new type of therapy I wish to try with you all.”

Sylvain felt himself nodding again as Ms. Dr. Eisner passed out a paper. His eyes quickly scanned over the sheet.

_Twelve Step Therapy_

_1\. We admit that we are powerless over our addiction, that our lives have become unmanageable._

2\. Come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us.

_3\. Make a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Goddess as we understand Her._

4\. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5\. Admit to the Goddess, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.636

6\. We’re entirely ready to have the Goddess remove all these defects of character.

7\. Humbly ask Her to remove our shortcomings.

8\. Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

9\. Make direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10\. Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it.

11\. Seek, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with the Goddess as we understand Her. Praying only for knowledge of Her will for us and the power to carry that out.

12\. Have a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, carry on this message to others who suffer from addiction, and practice these principles in all our affairs.

Sylvain lifted a single, skeptical eyebrow. This seemed pretty stringently religious for an institution of medical science to be soliciting. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

“I don’t believe in the Goddess,” Felix glowered, turning his nose up at the sheet.

Ms. Dr. Eisner nodded. “I suspected as much. However, I don’t want you to get too hung up on The Goddess as the source of your spiritual power.”

Felix narrowed her eyes at her. “Explain.”

“The paper reads, ‘as we understand Her.’ I encourage you to take a very liberal interpretation of this statement. Use ‘The Goddess’ as a common colloquialism for a power infinitely greater than our own that oversees, and to some extent, controls the workings of the universe. All I want is for you to acknowledge that force, be it god, goddess or a conglomerate of entities, and reach out to it. Because when we seek help from a power greater than our own, we can gain the strength to borrow that power for ourselves.”

Felix looked as perplexed as Sylvain felt.

“But we can get more indepth with that at a later date.” Turning her attention to Ashe, who had been reading the page over and over again, she said, “I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed by this. Each step will take time, and each of you will take however long you need to in order to complete each one. This isn’t the kind of therapy you can consume in a piecemeal fashion like CBT or DBT. This is a process, taken step by step and in a specific order.”

“It kind of seems like a lot,” Ashe admitted, running a hand through his hair. “But I’m willing to try if you think it will help me get better.”

Sylvain thought for a moment, his unusual silence turing Ms. Dr. Eisner’s attention to him. “It certainly can’t hurt to give it a go.” He shrugged, hoping his air of aloofness was convincing enough to hide his trepidation.

Felix shot a glare to Ashe and Sylvain in turn before he said, “Well if you two are doing it I guess I will too.”

Ms. Dr. Eisner smiled, nothing more than a tiny upturn of the corners of her mouth. “I appreciate your willingness to try this out with me. Today’s group is going to be short. All I wanted to do was introduce this idea to you and explain to you how this is going to work.”

At this point she gets up from the table and begins writing on the white board. “We will meet in a group setting, in the afternoon, every other day. More if you three want, less if you want and I think it is a good idea. We will have two ground rules to these meetings.”

She writes on the board _1\. Four Walls._

“Everything said or brought up during the meeting stays between the four of us. You can talk about yourself to anyone you want anytime you want, but do not share information about the others to anyone outside this group. This is to help keep things private, and help you feel safe to share your thoughts without worrying about gossip or being judged later.”

They nodded.

Then she wrote _2\. No Cross Talk._

“The meetings are to be about sharing your personal experiences. We are here to share equally in your successes and failures. This is not a time to start a dialog between two of you that shuts the other out or start telling someone things about themselves.”

They nodded again, and Sylvain got the distinct impression of a shelf of bobble-heads with how much they had been nodding today.

Ms. Dr. Eisner tapped the dry erase marker to her lip. “If these don’t work out, or we feel the need to revise some of the steps, I am open to it. This is for us, and we can adapt it to suit our needs. If something isn’t working, let me know. We can change it.”

She turned to the group who, and Sylvain almost had to stifle a laugh at this, nodded again.

Looking between each patient, Ms. Dr. Eisner smiled. It wasn’t a strong expression, but Sylvain could feel the hope in it. “We are going to start on step one. Nothing today, we will begin in earnest in a couple days. Between now and then, I want you each to think about your addiction, and how it affects your life. That is all.”

With that, the three of them were dismissed early. They didn’t say anything to each other as they left, each going his separate way. Sylvain went to his room, climbed up on the top bunk, and stared up at the white ceiling. He let his mind wander, allowing himself to process what they had gone over today.


End file.
